I am not a fast knitter by any means. I can knit very fast, but I hate it. I am definitely a process knitter. I love the build, the yarn in my fingers, and the wonder of string becoming something new.
The construction of a sweater, the anatomy of a sock, an asymmetrical shawl, short row shaping, yarn overs, and slip knits. There is so much you can do with a knit stitch and a purl stitch: two simple stitches. I received my first of five different patterns “Clues” and my journey into the Starting Point Wrap began.
I was ready and I spent hours knitting. I had to make two panels that were exactly the same. No problem, I could do that. I started looking at my color choices and I wasn’t sure if they were really working, and after looking at Ravelry, I was sure a few, quite a few other knitters were in the same boat as me. Many were questioning, but many more experienced MKAL knitters were trusting the designer and trusting themselves.
Within a couple of hours participants had posted the first pictures of their finished panel and shortly after they were posting pictures of their second panel, finished and ready for the next clue.
Here I sat in my backyard knitting and listening to a book and I was barely into my first color change, let alone my panel being finished… and certainly not both of them! My confidence took a hit. How can these people be done so fast? Do they have nothing else to do? Do they have lightning in their fingers? I must be a horrible knitter. That’s it, I am no good.
I pushed along and got my first two panels ready for the following week’s clue that had come out a few hours early. I knit, knit, and knit some more. I went onto Ravelry and there they were.
Finished panels. HOW? Now I was SURE I had no idea what I was doing. I made a mistake in my lace section and had to take it out and fix it. It took so much time and I was frustrated, the fun and excitement were gone. Vaporized. I was seriously depressed.
Why can’t I keep up? I need to knit faster, knit better, and what about these awful colors?? I had bought this beautiful yarn and messed it all up. I was a fraud. Clue three came out, and I wasn’t ready.
Clue four, and I am further behind. I quit checking Ravelry because I didn’t want those folks to make me feel like a failure. I am just gonna put this out there… I was pathetic. I had forgotten why I was knitting. I was knitting to be part of something.
I was knitting to learn something new. I was knitting to be a part of a community. I was knitting to be part of something bigger. I was knitting because I LOVE to knit. It feeds my soul and yet I had let every insecurity I had ever had rob me of the one thing I had that made me feel accomplished.
By clue five my needles had long been abandoned and stuffed into a bag. Starting Point had beat me, or had it? I am pretty sure I had beaten myself.
Thanks for reading,
Kim.
